1. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
2. Life’s Irony: It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
3. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
4. I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
5. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
6. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher… and that is a good thing for any man.
7. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore …
8. Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence – A Life sentence!
9. Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
10. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
11. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
12. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

v.k.garg

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

A chocolate BAA

“A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

“The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’

“The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ‘Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

“There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: ‘OK, now what?’”

what do penguins use as napkins?

flapkins!

Two ships were at sea, a British one and a German one. Suddenly the British ship malfunctioned and they were going down
So they radioed the Germans and said” mayday mayday. We’re sinking!!”

Some time lapsed and the Germans replied, “what are you s-thinking about?”

what did one mountain say to the other?

meet you in the valley!

whats a ghost’s favorite fruit?

booberries!

why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?

he was already stuffed!

Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses?

Ebay.

There are these three women A redhead a brunette and a blonde. And they start to talk about their daughters. The red head says “you know i caught my daughter with cigars i did not know she smoked!” then the brunette says ” I know! i found booze in my daughters room i didnt know mine drank!” then the blonde says..”OMG i like totally know where ur coming form OMG, i found like these these ummm condoms!? in my daughters room…like OMG i didnt know she had *whispers* a penisssss”